I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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