i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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