dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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