i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
