when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
