Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
