i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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