sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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