i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
