I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
