how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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