I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat