Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed