Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.