Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence