I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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