She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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