My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
