Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
