I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
