Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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