awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
