you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You have to summon your inner elephant
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
