Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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