Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize