Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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