Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
