I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
