Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
