did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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