Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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