Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
