And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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