Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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