I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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