I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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