you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
