apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.