I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.