I will die if light touches me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook