i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.