Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...