he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I lost the right to judge tonight
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"