I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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