we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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