She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
