i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize