dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
