apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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