Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
