After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
