I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
