As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
