I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
