I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
