I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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