ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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