Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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